Shimogo - A Sad Return

On Saturday, I woke up early and travelled up to Shimogo in Fukushima Prefecture, a place where I lived for 4 years. I had planned on visiting Shimogo on 26th November to meet my friends Tomo and Satoshi. Unfortunately, my trip was earlier than planned and for an altogether different reason. Satoshi died very suddenly - heart attack. He was only 57.

Although I was worried about being a liability at the funeral, I really wanted to do everything I could for an old friend. Attending his funeral was all I could really do to demonstrate the value I placed on our friendship.

Despite prior doubts, my attendance at the the funeral was very warmly received by Satoshi's family. I am glad that I played a small part in making their grieving process a little easier. It brought a tear to my eye when his family told me Satoshi liked to drink from a Scottish cup I gave him as a present and that he often talked about me.

Satoshi's family and friends welcomed me with open arms and we had many good conversations about him and other subjects. I certainly know that Satoshi would have approved of all the events. I felt extremely privalaged to be asked to attend the cremation and to assist with the placement of his remains in the funeral urn. I am sure that such a ceremony may seem macabre to many readers, but it does not feel that way. Japanese mourning gives the deceased great dignity and respect and helps those left behind to move on with their lives with fond memories of the departed.

The trip back to Shimogo was undeniably sad, but undeniably worthwhile. Given the circumstances, I don't think that it could have been much better. I will always remember the good times I had with Satoshi and may even visit the Donzoko restaurant / bar (in Tokyo) soon to have a pint in his memory. On a visit to Tokyo a few years ago, Satoshi was very keen to visit Donzoko as it was his stamping ground when he was much younger. At the time, I felt very privileged to be taken to such a place where he had so many happy memories. It was nice to see Satoshi reminiscing about happy times in his past.

After the events connected to the funeral, I met up with Dr Tomo in Wakatsuki, a local restaurant we used to frequent with Satoshi. Of course the evening was tinged with sadness, but we certainly managed to have a good time - Satoshi would certainly have approved. Tomo kindly brought 2 bottles of very nice wine which were quaffed with unknown quantities of beer.

I took a few photographs in Wakatsuki, but they all turned out blurred. Obviously the Canon designers have not yet worked out a solution to alcohol induced camera shake.

Nursing a hangover, I slowly walked to Shimogo Station this morning (Sunday). The autumn colours were splendid and the air was chilly and refreshing. I was extremely pleased to bump into Fuminori, my old work supervisor, although he nearly caused a car accident when he pulled over to speak to me. Another nice event was meeting an old student from my time at Shimogo Junior High School. He got off his train and was hanging around the platform for 5 minutes while he plucked up the courage to speak to me. I remembered him from school - the Shimogo students were really a fine bunch!

The visit to Shimogo was certainly worthwhile. I celebrated the life of a friend and met people who I associate with happy days.

The Wake and Cremation

Takashi was finally cremated yesterday - March 30th. It has been an emotionally exhausting period and we are all a bit fragile and will remain so for a while yet. The series of events have been a blur and I will not try and recount them in any detail. I tried to prepare myself for the process by searching online for information on a Japanese funeral and this link proved particularly helpful and allowed me to anticipate and understand each stage of the process.

As you already know, Takashi died early on Saturday morning. We all went to the hospital but did not manage to be with him at the end. He looked peaceful and it was comforting to know his suffering had ended. After various tasks were completed, Takashi was taken back to the family home to lie in front of the family shrine until being moved to the undertakers. The hospital staff treated Takashi with great respect and lined the corridor as he was taken from his hospital room down to the Chapel of Rest. Once the hearse arrived, all the nurses and doctors who had treated Takashi came down to offer their respects once again and to light incense. I guess that this is standard procedure for hospitals throughout Japan, but it really left me impressed.

Over the duration of Saturday and Sunday, friends and family visited to pay their respects. Each would light incense, ring a small chime, and pray for Takashi's spirit. A difficult couple of days. On a personal note, I have never been involved in a funeral or been close to death, so the whole series of events was a new and uncomfortable experience. I suppose that older one gets, the more experience you gain in dealing with these situations.

I saw Clara shedding a private tear when Takashi was taken from the house for the last time on Monday morning. The hearse pulled away and we all watched it drive slowly away down the street. Another end point.

Both Monday and Tuesday were difficult. I could feel my heart hammering away in my chest with the stress of the situation and apart from one of two lapses, I think I did well and I hope provided adequate support to the family. On Monday, perhaps the most difficult part was lifting Takashi into his coffin. I held his head and tried to lower it as gently as possible. After this, items that he loved or were closely associated with Takashi were placed in his casket. A suit, the clothes in which he wore to great success. A box of Kent cigarettes - he loved to smoke, but they ended up killing him. Some sake (rice wine) - he was never a man to turn down a drink. A picture of our dog Sora - he used to collect Sora from our apartment every day at 8am and look after him till 5pm each day. His wallet - I have a story about that which my brother, Mark, might remember. Once this was done, the lid of the coffin was put on, each one of us slowly lowering it down. The lid of the coffin had a small window at the top which could be opened so that we could see Takashi's face.

Tuesday saw some more Buddhist ceremonies and then the coffin was opened for the final time. We placed paper cranes around his head, and then gradually covered his body with a selection of flowers. It felt like we were burying him, until only his face could be seen amongst the flowers. This really was a difficult time and to be fair, every last one of us was in quite a state.

I felt honored to be involved and supporting the proceedings. Once again, I was honored to be one of the men to carry Takashi's coffin to the hearse. He was slid in, and the mourners watched the formal hearse pull away. Once at the crematorium, the whole process was mercifully short. The coffin was brought into the cremation area, we looked at Takashi's face one last time, and then he was slid into the thundering roar of the furnace. One hour elapsed and the process was complete. The tray was pulled out to reveal bone shards. The hot fragments were placed on a stainless steel table and then bit by bit placed into a funeral urn by the mourners. Setsuko and Yuki used special chopsticks for the first bone. Clara and I were next and lifted a recognisable hip ball joint into the urn. Finally, after the family had performed this rite, the crematorium worker packed the rest of Takashi's bones into the urn.

Takashi's remains accompanied us all home and will remain in the house for 49 days until interment in the family grave, alongside his parents and sister. The remaining members of the family will now pay formal respects to Takashi at a predetermined number of intervals:

Interment at 49 days

Year 1 on 27th March

Year 3 on 27th March

Year 7 on 27th March

Year 13 on 27th March

Year 17 on 27th March

Year 23 on 27th March

Year 27 on 27th March

Year 33 on 27th March

Year 37 on 27th March

Year 50 on 27th March

I am not optimistic of being able to pay my respects to Takashi on the 50th anniversary of his death, but will do my best with all the other years. Now we are looking forward to the future once again, albeit without Takashi. Great times and a great man!